Reasons to love Social Phobia

Okay, so you think I'm insane to say this. I think I'm insane to say this. Social anxiety is the bane of my existance, after all (forgive my cliche). Yet, at the same time, I think knowing that I have it has made me realize other things. I also think it is better to know about than to not know about...how many years can a person go thinking that they are alone?

I think that SP has made me a better person. It has put me in touch with my goodness. I used to think I was evil. I'm not sure why, my actions did not label me as such. Maybe it was my inactions that caused me to feel evil--I had not saved the world. As I learn to accept my own weaknesses, I become more understanding of other people. I am often to afraid to reach out, but I'm learning that a kind word is appreciated.

I also think that I know myself better. Perhaps too well, for I spend much time contemplating self. As I learn to turn my focus outward, however, I think I will be well centered, knowing who I am inside. Once I learn self-esteem I imagine that I will have much confidence in myself.

The people that I have met through the SP mailing list are the greatest. They are not simply names in cyberspace, they are people who understand and care about me. And, though I so often try to not care about people, I find that it is impossible to not offer my support, encouragement, and understanding in return. Stretched across the world, we'll likely never meet in real life, but had I lived near these people we would not have gotten to know one another as we do on the list, for our SP would have held us back. This tells me that, perhaps, since I'm so grateful for them and since they react kindly to me (even though I pester the list and vent an awful lot) that perhaps I am worth knowing too. Not just to my SP list, but to people in real life.

This is sort of amusing...I doubt I'm as optimistic as I sound here. Like most SPers, my self-esteem is terribly low and I think wretched thoughts about myself. But I'm trying to not dwell on it. Instead, I must believe that therapy will work, that I will learn to accept myself and be able to interact with others. I'm learning that I can't be perfect, but overcoming this obstacle will prove to me that I am capable of accomplishing things. I must believe, for there is no other option.